October 31, 2004

• Sometimes you just need to let it burn… those things you keep inside. that soul, that shred of humanity. the person i was before the acident versus then person i became and ther person I am today.  Friday I was asked a simple question. If you could go back in time to change somehting, would you do and when, and what would change. In a hear beat I said yes down shifting from 3rd to second to initiate a drift to the past. A choice I made 8 years ago…. If I didnt give up, If i fought harder, If i stayed the same, The things in the past 8 years would be comeplately gone. I would proably still be driving an ae92 or ae86 because i would have never tried to give up the cafeeine, and i wouldnt have crashed so hard physically and mentaly resulting in a non metalic body. The amount of modifications on the cars would proablty not have been that much different but instead of going to MCAD I woudl ahve gone to MICA… The people I would have been friends with at Mica might have been the same but the chances of meeting the council and the rest of the crew from MCAD would have been almost non existant. Although Antonio,  Justin, and Damien ended up transfering to Mica, My rivalry with Antonio proably wouldn’t have been a friendly one. I would proably have not been reaquainted tiwh Kevin either, same with Garth. Since i would have stuck with Illustration at Mica, I would probly never have the need for a hightech video editing system and jsut have a regular PC. A big change would be UMBC, since i woudl ahve stayed at MICA till i graduated completely or died i would never have met FASA or be involved with any filipino stuff at all.  But the biggest change that could have been is that she would have stayed by my side through the end. She is the only person in this world that can take 22 years of my programing and switch them off at will and she knows it… and yet in 8 years shes never abused that power.  Sometimes I wish she would call me something more than her best friend, but just from the past i can never see us “dating”, notings hapeend in hte past 8 years and in another 8 years well be in our 30s…. The world just seems so complicated at times. I only work an average 30 hours a week now,  and classes are only 4 days a week except that the majority of the work is suspeoto be donme out of class sicnce the actual class time is for disscussions or just wasting time….  For those who dont sleep, time is a blessing and a curse. At times I never seem to have enough, constantly working, and multitasking. The saying is that you shoudl never spread yourself too thin or you will no longer make an impact or what ever like wiht peanutbutter, if you try to use one scoop of peanutbutter to cover a whhoal loaf of bread you proablly won’t notice the peanutbutter taste at all. I think it only applys to the normal humans that sleep since it seems to work fine for me. Thoguht I might not show it at all or give any emotional expression, i do feel panniced at times but am usually too appathetic to care about being panniceked. Soemtimes I do question what any of this is for, why we exist, why go to schoool, why work… Sometimes I think about giving in and going back to racing but that cost money to compete, more money for matinece, in which case it means more time having to work for money….. but then no tme for racing. Then i think I could go back to marksmanship and compete int he olympics and stuff but then again, bullets cost money… money meand working, no time for training… and I dont think that the shooting sports are really popular enough to make any serious bank but it would be for fun. For the sheer enjoyment of doing.. Our general manager told me onces if i likes my job. I said ” Its okay, Its definately a unique experience” Then he asked “well, are you having fun” and I said ” Yeah sure” and she said “Good, cause if your not havning fun then thers no pint in doing it” But if i think about it am i really having fun??? I work for the majority of the prime time of the day, constantly lifting heavy crap to prepare for thouds of people. I get burned alot from fire and hot molting metal surfaces, I do get cut alot too but no blood since the burning and heat has apearently dride up al the blood before hand. and when im not in the hear im in sub zero temp freezer. We can fit abotu 30 cows in our freezer but instead of cous we have 10s f thousands of chickens that we restock twice a week. My boss is crazy, doesnt speak english and looks at you when hes speaking to himself so not only do you not understand what he said you think he askes for somthing but in reallity he just mental and yet he tells me I need a girlfriend. Just liek the waitress at the sushi resturant “Oh still no girlfriend, Too bad {followed by a sad face ->  : ( indicating how bad it is } If having a significant other is realy such an important thing or soemthing that would bring forth happiness or a positive outlook then maybut I should jsut build one. hmm but hten id jsut build her to well and shell leave me cause she would know how to build someone better. >< Oh well tomorros another day, the shows supose to be really small, and i get out early, then i leave candy out for the little children since i wont be able to pass it out and then i go to school and help with holloween bash, then if it ends before 10 i see fi anyone wants to go to ritas for gelatis and italian ice and frozen custards and sstuffs before they close, i know kevs wanted to go ever since he saw the building being built… Oh shiznits!!!! I jsut rembered tomorrow is holloween!!!! obviously, but i was bummed today cause i thoguht it was holloween when i was driving home at 3am cause it was hollween but it was reallly only 2 am cause of daylight savings time but yeah anyways gonna buy a burrtio at chipoles so that on nov2nd i can get a free burrito by saving my reciept!!! Yummie!! I will make the best if the days to come. Especially since wham what medical scice tells me, the amought of awake time in life is always constant so if you dont sleep your just using your awake life up faster and sooner… so this will be interesting.. So well since I lost like 82% of you by now in the mass of words and well kevin isnt arroudn to dot he edit and make sence of Vik Speak I will try to recap. Victor would quickly erase the past 8 years on a 5% chance of a happier life knowing full well that the stuff he knows now may not be aplicable in a alter parralell dimentional universe. Soemtimes Robotic Superheros need to Reboot. Changing things can be bad. and lastly FREE BURRITOS ON ELECTIONDAY!!!!!!!!!. And yeah, Ill have kevin fix this siznits up later to makes sence of somesort.

  
  

  -Red Ranger G3Rtype Engage 

  • 4:11 am
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