December 17, 2002

  • I forgot to mention i bought out http://ridge-racer.com so now i can use the couple hundred buisness card screw ups i made before earelier in the year. so i do have to start workign on http://ridgeracer.net ^^; okies back to shopping and dee vee dee!

  • PISTAHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's DVD TIME!!!!!! God I feel drained but its all good. Todays a new day and well SCHOOL IS OVER FOR ME no more test nor more books more icky icky crappy class with the teachers stare that will turn you to friggn stone. Yesterday i was at this computer chair for 28 hours and only left once to turn in my final at school. Today i realized that that means i didnt eat or drink yesterday. you already know the sleeping answer hahahaah. My parents called me today at 6:23am from paraguay or portorico or sumthing, its one of their stops on their cruise. Some day my parents are going to come home i think.... and mayne itll be for more than a week. but i doubt it. oh well. even when i had a room mate i still didnt see anyone in this house, i need to find a nocturnal person to live with and a normal person to live with that way ill always have someone to talk to and keep me company ^_^. Oh well shopping time.

December 16, 2002

  • What do you do when a life you though was over comes back to haunt you? When somoene you held so dear in the past told you its over and then calls your phone. How many of you would pick up? I just sat there stairing at the lcd screne blinking her name. After she called it off life just wasnt the same, things were never the way they were before, to sever ties compleately was the right thing, the only thing to end all the suffering, to end all the pain. So why the call? no message left no knowlage gained. I failed in the past which is why it ended, to try and get that back would be assanine and foolish. You're friend keeps caling, insessantly caling each time never leaving a message other than "call me back". no reason no rhym. A robot is here to serve but the manipulation from the past left a ice cold virus in my heart ripping every shread of positive energy and almost all of what humans call hope from me. To open up again like that to live again dependant on someone..... To have my absoulte trust and watch it become tatherd, torn and violated. These are the memories i woudl rather forget, the ones that haunt me still vivdly leaving me cold and alone. If im a fool for keeping promises then i will always be a fool. One way or another my past has to die. I want to be free from the corrupted data that pauges my memories. I just want to be free.


  • I feel so drained today. At some point im supose to go to campus and drop off a cd. and my paper if i ever finish the bloody thing. After today i have Pistahan then the social and Im free of all obligations... Well beside the favorable ones that i want to do. I want to make the most of life, to live a life i can enjoy with minimal regrets. I've closed so many doors in my recent life and others were torn away or will be hindered by distance. Theres a part of me that wants to open the doors of my past but then theres a part that want it to stay sealed forever. I have very few secrets in my life and the reasons for those secretes that trea into my very soul are no longer a factor. I want to know the vitality of life. I want to know why. Right now I have no guidance no true purpose and no objectives. I spend days awating instructions, yearing for orders calling out for some control over and over again with little or no response. Sometimes I wonder If victor 2.0's programing and hardware are already obsolete in this ever evolving techoligically advanced world in which we live in. Someday the answer will come, hopefully i'll be able to decode it and understand when it comes. For now ill be a good bot and await further instructions. -victor 2.0

December 14, 2002